When last we left our heroes, they had just settled in around the table to begin their game session. After some brief introductions to the newest player, Sarah, they begin their game.
America: OK, so. You guys have arrived near Overlord EXXONICUS MOBILI ‘s stronghold. You can see the massive smokestacks plated in gold in the distance. There is a checkpoint about 100 yards away. You see two guards at the gate. What do you do?
Barack Obama: Well, I think first we need to realize that those guards have families depending on them. Just because they don't see things quite like we do, that does not mean we can't find some common ground in these desperate times. I propose that we open up a dialogue with them, to help them understand our position, and to try to understand theirs. By doing so...
Joe Biden: Barack, I don't think talking is an option here. I'll go scout and see if I can find a way around them. They are just a distraction from the bigger goal. Besides, it takes ten rounds to set up the Heward's Teleprompter of Enhanced Eloquence. We could be dead by then.
John McCain: Oh, the hell with this! I say we just charge them. We're the most powerful group in the world. There are two of them and four of us. Besides, don't we have to kill them to get XP?
America: You can still get the XP for outsmarting them. You don't have to kill them.
John McCain: Then why didn't I get XP for being a POW?
America: Because you didn't outsmart them, John. They just let you go.
John McCain: That's some bullshit. I still say we just kill them.
Joe Biden: But even if we kill them, it will take up time and resources and make other guards aware that we are here. Lemme just go scout first.
America: Sarah, what do you think?
Sarah Palin: I disbelieve!
America: What?
Sarah Palin: I disbelieve. The guards aren't really there.
America: Um, no. They are there.
Sarah Palin: No. My God is on my side. Only His Word is the True Word. I do God's Will taking this fight to Exxonicus, and there is nothing in my God's book that points to the existence of these guards. Therefore, they do not exist.
Joe Biden: For a new player, you really have gotten into your character, Sarah. Nice roleplaying.
Sarah Palin: Roleplaying?
America: OK, Sarah, fine. You get a vision from your God warning you that the guards are real. You clearly see the two guards there, and they are real.
Sarah Palin: Oh, in that case, what does God want me to do?
America: HE WANTS YOU TO MAKE A DECISION!
Sarah Palin: I fire them.
John McCain: Sarah, we can't fire them. We aren't their bosses.
Sarah Palin: Oh, well, in that case, I say we go find their boss and kill him. And then we can fire the guards and replace them with people loyal to us!
Barack: Well, if Joe believes that it is in our group's best interest to gather more information about those that stand against us, and that it is in our best interest to scout first and obtain a clearer picture of the situation, then I fully support his view and his scouting ahead.
John McCain: Fine. Fine. Go do your scouting.
America: OK, Joe. Roll your Move Silently check.
(Joe Biden rolls his Move Silently check)
America: OK, Joe. You succeed in sneaking up on the guards. They are playing cards and not really paying much attention. You notice...
John McCain: They're playing cards? What are they playing? Blackjack? Poker?
America: You don't know, John. You aren't up there.
John McCain: Joe, find out what they are playing. I got an idea.
Joe Biden: Um, ok. What are they playing?
America: *sigh* They are playing poker from the looks of things.
John McCain: Oooo, good. Joe, come back I have an idea.
America: John, you need to wait. You don't know any of this in character yet.
Sarah Palin: Yes he does. I tell him.
America: You don't know either, Sarah.
Sarah Palin: Yes I do. God told me.
America: And when did THAT happen?
Sarah Palin: Um, well, earlier when you said God sent me a vision. The vision included what the guards were doing. And I saw they are playing poker.
America: *blink*
Barack Obama: In Sarah's defense, and not that I would ever question the methodology or leadership of our Game Master, but you did in fact not that long ago state, and I quote, ‘You clearly see the two guards.' By virtue of that statement, it would in fact appear that Sarah DID quite clearly see that the guards were playing poker. Furthermore...
America: OK, OK. I don't even care about the damn poker. It's just background filler. What are you guys doing?
Joe Biden: I'll go back to the group and let them know what I saw.
John McCain: OK, good. Here is the plan. Sarah's armor has the glamour enchantment. So she'll change her appearance to look like a MILF. Then, I'll give Sarah my Pitcher of Endless Ale and have her walk up to the guards and ask if she can join the poker game. Once they are drunk, we tie them up and take their uniforms in order to infiltrate the stronghold!
Sarah Palin: Oh, that sounds like fun!
Barack Obama: Now see here, John. Do you honestly mean to use poor Sarah, who just today joined our campaign, as some sort of sordid bait? Are you really suggesting that we, heroes of Washington, should take this woman and put her in harm's way in such as baseless manner?
John McCain: Hey, whatever works.
Joe Biden: Come on, John. Do you really think those guards and going to fall for that trick?
John McCain: You saw them up close, Joe. What do you think?
Joe Biden: *shrugs* Well, I guess it's worth a shot.
Sarah Palin: Don't worry, Barack. I have Enthrall memorized.
Barack Obama: Ooo, I do love that spell.
John McCain: Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen you use any spell BUT Enthrall.
Barack Obama: Now just one minute there, John...
America: OK, OK. Let's get on with this. OK, Sarah, roll your Bluff check.
Sarah Palin: (rolls her Bluff check versus the guards). OOO, I rolled a 15, is that good?
John McCain: Her total check is a 35.
America: How the hell did she get a total check of 35?
John McCain: High charisma score and a lot of ranks in Bluff. Plus, the Pitcher of Endless Ale grants a +10 bonus to Bluff checks versus the males.
America: Wait a minute? I don't remember seeing that in the item description.
John McCain: *Pulls out his copy of Washington Magic Items and Tricks, 3rd edition by Karl Rove*. Look, it's right there is the seventeenth paragraph of the item description. You told me it was OK to have this magic item because I'm married to the Princess of Beere, remember?
America: Yeah, yeah. My fault. I didn't read the whole description. *mumbles* Damn third party supplements. Fine, you trick the guards into letting you play poker, and eventually they get drunk and fall asleep. So you guys are taking their uniforms, then?
John McCain: Yep. Joe, you take one and I'll take the other. Then we can pretend we captured Barack and Sarah and have to take them to the jail. We should be able to get right in that way.
Barack Obama: Now hold on, John. I think it is imperative that we fully discuss the ramifications of who should be wearing the uniforms that we have just obtained. First, as the persons wearing the uniforms will need to be able to convince other guards that they are in fact guards and not impostures, I believe it is vital to our campaign's success that the two individuals with the highest Charisma scores should in fact be engaged in this matter. Second, I believe that...
John McCain: It doesn't matter what you believe. I played a POW for five years. I don't have to play a captive again. I get to be the guard. Besides, after your speech in Burlan everyone knows who you are.
Joe Biden: Barack, normally I'd agree with your logic, but I think in this case John has a point.
Sarah Palin: Why can't I be a guard? Because I'm a woman? What, you don't think that women can be in positions of authority?
Joe Biden: Why are you yelling at me? John is the one who made the suggestion.
Sarah Palin: How dare you attack his character! He was a POW, you know.
America: *bangs head on desk.* This is going to be a long campaign.
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Comments: 17
Once again though, great writing.
Barack can keep the Robe of Winter, though because he's already been penalized on his Constitution score because he chose to play a Drow. He may also command up to 1D12 Drow minion archers for up to six melee rounds. If he makes his save vs. Charisma.
That should even things up.
Though come to think of it, both Barack and Drizzt are a bit long-winded, aren't they?
Without really knowing the game, I don't know how skillfully its application is being aligned with the election/candidates, but based on the comments? YEAH!